Forgiving the Fallen
Waiting in faith – (faith defined) – The coming forth of Shaemdiel and fallen angels
– Shaemdiel is shown the oracles of God – Azrael Ahgendai reveals himself – Restoring
the Fallen to their former glory – Confessions of Shaemdiel: “I am made unworthy
of such redemption” – Azrael replies: God’s love greater than any sin – “Who is worthy
to touch the soul of God?” – Loving as God loves – Finding the goodness in the fallen
– Shaemdiel’s Beloved steps through the veil – The Fallen rejoice at the coming together
of their Parents – Azrael steps through the veil and communes with the Supreme Mother
1 Thus was I made to stand in the midst of darkness and gloomy shadows; yet was
I not fearful, for all my hope did I place deep in the heart of Heaven’s glory; being
in my soul most confident that by such trust would even God come forth to rescue
in the moment of great need.
2 For this I would have you know for all your good, that faith is the mother of
trust and hope together; and if it so be that you have no faith, then by what means
would you trust in God; and if you are unable to trust in him, then are you empty
of hope altogether, being in your soul most sorrowful and filled with despair.
3 And so I waited patiently the will of both the Father and the Mother in the realm
of endless night; and as I tarried there, I beheld the coming forth of many angels,
both great and small; whose very light seemed dim and strangely pale, and whose countenance
was heavy with constant longings.
4 And there came out from the midst of them, one which was greater than them all;
and he did approach near unto me and with a strange and haunting look spoke unto
5 “Who are you that you should make defeated the power of the Demiurge? For even
I, being Shaemdiel, could barely hold at bay the fearsome wrath of Jehovah-Yahweh;
yet could I by no means undo the fierceness of his anger, or beat back down the harshness
of his intent regarding the children of men.
6 For it is most apparent that you are only some mortal man, small and frail beside.
How came you then to this frightful place where even I am held most strongly bound?
7 By what power could you turn aside the dreadful dominions of Jehovah-Yahweh, to
make as nothing the whole of all his terror and might? For even we were made witnesses
of his great struggle against you.
8 Tell us therefore: Who are you that we might know you? Speak to us of those powers
which would cause even this mortal man to be greater and more to be feared than even
all my might.”
9 Such were the words of the Fallen One, and there waited with him for the hearing
of my word, even all which followed after him in that distant long ago when all of
Heaven, in all its kingdoms was made to weep because of pride and war.
10 And being resolved to speak most boldly unto Shaemdiel, I did stretch out my
hand unto him to open, and there did leap out from the palm thereof, the very oracles
of God, which as many piercing and burning lights did shine forth into the darkness.
11 And all they which were fallen did gasp in wonder at the beauty and glory which
did spring up out of the soul of me; and I spoke most tenderly unto them, saying:
12 “By such living oracles was I able to withstand, most calmly, the evil and harshness
of Jehovah-Yahweh; for I knew with sureness of mind that goodness is greater than
evil, that love is stronger than hate, and that the wisdom of heavenly things more
preferred than knowledge only.
13 All these things have I found in the soul of that God which first called out
to me in the very beginning. How then shall I fear the dread dominions of the Demiurge,
seeing that God is made to dwell within and without the whole of me?
14 For though I appear to you as some mortal man, yet in the beginning, before the
turning of endless ages, even I did dwell in the bosom of eternity, being made Prince
and Guardian of the Seven Steps, Protector of the Keep.
15 Behold, I am Azrael Ahgendai, even that very Likeness which drew away Yaldabaoth,
whereby I might take him far from the kingdoms of the greater Light; to dwell himself
midst all his might in this creation which lies beyond all beginnings.”
16 Such were the words which I did speak unto Shaemdiel the Fallen, and all which
heard grew deeply troubled; and Shaemdiel, looking most intently upon me, did step
nearer unto me, saying:
17 “Tell me Azrael, have you come to withstand me also? Have you come to war against
me and against those which did follow after me? For I know that if you should elect,
even I shall be unable to stand against you.
18 For even though you should appear as small and frail in this mortal form, yet
have I no means to bring against you any harm; seeing that in you is there caused
to move and stir about even all the powers of every God and every Goddess in the
kingdoms of the greater Light.
19 And if it so be that you would make war against the Fallen, then strike you hard
against Shaemdiel only and spare these which did follow after me; for the greater
sin have I, alone, committed against the heavenly hosts.
20 For even though I be fallen and in the darkness strongly bound, yet do I still
love the children which followed after me most tenderly, having in my bosom a father’s
affection and deep regard.”
21 And Shaemdiel, saying these things, did wait patiently the coming of my reply;
being in his soul and countenance most resolved to battle for the sake of all those
which had followed after him into the darkness.
22 And in a voice made soft and tender, I spoke again unto him, saying: “My Son,
I came not to condemn, but to heal. I came not to judge but to redeem and make whole
again even every man and every woman who would seek for themselves the heavenly place;
to restore even all which are fallen to their former glory.
23 Fear not, therefore, the coming forth of Azrael, for in my soul am I filled with
mercy and pardon; seeking through most wise and subtle means, to make new again the
hope of glory filled with promise.
24 For the fullness of my intent is to restore again the joy of heavenly things,
to make as whole, the breech which has even now made separated, those which are at
variance with God.”
25 Now Shaemdiel, when he heard these things grew still and quiet; and raising his
hands to cover his face, he did bow his head upon his bosom; and from the very soul
of him, even so great a one as he did weep, saying:
26 “Can it be that you know not fully who I am and the great sin which caused that
I be cast out from Heaven’s glory? For I am he which did make war against the Father
and Mother of my own soul;
27 Shaking with most violent fury the foundations of Heaven’s glory; breathing out
midst vengeful threats the fierceness of my intent.
28 For in my mind was I filled with pride and haughty bearing, being in my soul
most strongly driven by some heated envy; for even I did think to force all Heaven
to bend their will unto me, whereby I might change forever Hodos Alea.
29 Yet in the coming of Ahman and the Seraphim with him was I made defeated on the
plains of Kuristan; and to this dreadful place was I cast away forever.
30 And notwithstanding all these things, even in my exile would I not repent, but
strived through every means to prove the rightness of my way upon that world from
which you came.
31 But now have the ages rolled constantly onward, and in that distant world have
the dispensations of God taken firm hold, to make as nothing the whole of my designs
32 See then how I am made unworthy of such redemption as you would proffer; for
I have covered myself with abominations, to dwell in misery and discontent; being
made unclean within and without by a multitude of sin and anger.
33 For once in that distant long ago was I made most beautiful and fair; dwelling
richly in the splendor of that endless love which did soothe the soul of me through
joy and gentle laughter; being dressed round about in glory and honor.
34 But look you now upon me and see that I am nothing. Go therefore away from me,
for I am unworthy of such goodness as God would give unto me; for I have made desolate
the very soul of me, being filled with sin and having no merit.
35 Yet wait you still this little while and consider, for if you would give to me
a greater kindness, then redeem these my children which did follow after me for love’s
sake, and restore them to their former glory; then shall I bear most nobly and well,
the darkness which weighs so heavily upon me.
36 Concern not yourself therefore, for my sake, for this also do I know full well;
that the Demiurge will never let me go; for in his darkness am I most strongly bound,
and you can by no means make ransom for me.
37 Take therefore my children and get you hence unto God, flee you far away and
look not back; for I can bear no longer the sorrow which I did cause to fall upon
the whole of all my house.”
38 And saying these things, Shaemdiel wept. And there gathered round about him all
those which were fallen and sorely pressed; and even they did reach forth to comfort
39 And being moved with tenderness by all which I saw, I did reach forth my hand
unto Shaemdiel to touch him; and I spoke, saying: “Why will you weep Shaemdiel? Is
there a sin greater in power than the love of God?
40 Come Shaemdiel and let us reason well together: What sin shall hide you from
a Father’s love, as with a covering, that God should not seek to find you again whereby
he might restore you to the heavenly place?
41 Look you forth therefore into the heart of me and see you clearly the soul of
that one which has even now come forth to save you; to make release the souls of
all which fell into that darkness which even now would hold you strongly bound.
42 But still would I, through gentle strivings, break in pieces the sins of ages
past whereby I might make whole and renewed forever the heart and soul of Shaemdiel;
to restore you fully to that greater kingdom from which you came.
43 For even now have the Father and Mother determined with strong resolve that you
should rest again beside your own Beloved Rutheniel forever and ever; to feel in
the soul of you that love which never perishes or fades away.
44 Yet for all these things which I would do, still am I but the man you see; who,
yearning most constantly for the God within and beyond, am mortal still, being touched
and tainted by sin and folly in that world from which I come.
45 Shall I therefore, withhold my hand from seeking the good because of sin? Should
I refrain my hand from reaching forth to that greater portion because of those who
think me unworthy and undeserving?
46 Come Shaemdiel and tell me plainly: Who is worthy to touch the soul of God? Unto
what man shall God apportion a knowledge of heavenly things?
47 Hear then Shaemdiel, and I will answer; for if a man desire most earnestly to
attain unto the things of God for the sake of goodness only, then shall the dreams
and longings of his heart prove him most worthy to obtain, notwithstanding a multitude
of sin and folly.
48 Know therefore, that if a man should love, even as God loves, then does there
descend upon him a wealth of pardon and release, making all pure within, the whole
49 For if any man should strive daily to imitate the holiness of God, notwithstanding
his own boundaries and limitations, then shall he become even as God is, being holy
and most tenderhearted towards all who sin and fall short of the glory of God.
50 Look not therefore overmuch at such sins and transgressions as would hold you
bound today, for the sins of yesterday are become as strange and dimming shadows
which would call out to imprison you in doubt and fear; causing that you should feel
unworthy in attaining unto God.
51 Listen not therefore to such strange and distant shadows as do move and stir
about in the midst of all your yesterdays; but turn you loose from the soul within
such feelings as would retard your steps in reaching forth unto God.
52 Reach therefore into the soul of you, Shaemdiel, and see if there be found any
love therein; and if there be some love in you, then is it certain that even you
can be redeemed and restored again unto life and joy in the kingdoms of the greater
53 And concern not yourself because of Jehovah-Yahweh, whether he shall permit to
let you go unto that glory from which you came; for even I shall search out the Demiurge
whereby I might offer up a ransom for you.”
54 These are the words which I spoke unto the Fallen; and Shaemdiel spoke unto me,
saying: “Behold, Azrael, how all my sins have made me blind, that I can see no good
thing in me worthy of redemption.”
55 And hearing this, I did step back from all those which fell; and drawing forth
an oracle, beautiful and rare, I spoke unto the Fallen, saying: “If you be truly
blind Shaemdiel, then there is one who can help you see, to find the goodness for
which you seek.”
56 And saying these things, I cast the oracle into the airs above, and in an instant
there was a bright and piercing light which did descend before the very Fallen.
57 And there appeared within the light a shimmering veil which did open, and stepping
out from the midst thereof came fair Rutheniel, even the very Beloved of Shaemdiel.
58 In that moment did the Fallen One leap with joy at the sight of her; and rushing
forth he did gather her tightly into his arms and with kisses and gentle sighings
he did gather his own Beloved, to hold her to his soul midst great rejoicing.
59 Then did all they which fell from Heaven’s glory shout for joy at the coming
together of Father and Mother at last; leaping and rejoicing midst tears and songs
at the coming of Rutheniel unto them.
60 And she, seeing that I was standing near, even she did speak unto me, saying:
“From my soul, fair Azrael, I give forth all my gratitude forever.
61 Surely you are the great and mighty one before whose presence all sin is made
to vanish away, being of no effect; for by your words is Heaven restored again to
every man and every woman.”
62 And seeing that my labors regarding Jehovah-Yahweh and Shaemdiel were near completed,
I did take leave of her and stepping through the veil from which she came, I went
again to that world which lies beyond all beginnings.
63 And in an instant was I carried to a high mountain which did overlook the Wilderness
of Sin in the regions of the Sinai;
64 And there came to me the greatest of all the Heavenly Mothers, even Areta, from
whose bosom all life was made to come; and gazing most tenderly upon me she spoke,
65 “Come Azrael and tell me plainly; speak to me the desires of your heart and all
which you ask, even this will I grant unto you.
66 Ask therefore, and it shall be given, seek and you shall find even that hidden
wisdom which no man knows, or has entered into the mind of any man from the beginning
of the world.”
67 And taking heart I spoke forth all my soul unto her, saying: “Gracious Mother,
tell me of this world on which I stand, and of that One from whose bosom all Heaven
is made to come forth eternally in endless light and glory.
68 Reveal to me the ancient story and I will hear most faithfully; speak to me that
greater mystery of God and how he came to be; for even I would make known to man
the greatest mystery of all.”
69 And Areta, reaching forth her hand, stood me upon a pavement of deepest blue,
and she spoke unto me, saying: “Come then Azrael, and I will make known to you even
all my heart.
70 Walk with me upon the way and I shall give into your keeping the greatest story
of all; being in its several parts most glorious and true; filled with endless hope
and promise; making rich and joyful the lives of all those who shall believe in it
71 And taking her by the hand, I did walk with her into that place which lies beyond
all things ancient; to know for myself the beginning of all things great and small.