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Chapter 9


The Strength to Endure and the Power of a Name

Violent teachers, constant pain – The Azraella refuses to yield – A battle for the soul – Aeons of struggle –Mahaleenah speaks to her Father:How do you endure?” – Azraella replies:  The soul lasts forever, pain is only passing – Do not betray your own soul – In surrendering to lesser passions, you forget the thing you are – Strength to endure comes from God – Remembering the purpose for which you live and the goal towards which you strive – Hatred lives on hatred, darkness seeks despair – The best revenge is not to yield the things of greatest worth – The Azraella observes his tormentors – The Antipode comes to speak with the Azraella – Equally matched opposites – Antipode: “Why persist in calling me brother?” – The power of a name – The Azraella gives the Antipode a new perspective – The Antipode leaves, brooding midst troubled ponderings – The Eidos presses the Ahgendai in the Antipode’s absence – The Azraella remains silent and unyielding – The Eidos withdraws – An evil storm approaches – “I am Yaldabaoth” – Yaldabaoth inquires: “What is this thing which did empower the Eidos?”

 

1  In the depths of deep forever, in the womb of blackest night did the light most faintly glow, for against the Azraella did the Eidos and the Antipode inflict a constant pain; being ever hopeful to turn the Ahgendai to their cause.

2  Forcing with violent fury, a great many wounds, lashing out midst hateful glee against the light which in the darkness shined, striking hard midst constant threats to subdue the dreadful Savior, and thereby corrupt the light which came from God.

3  Yet despite the persecution, despite the hurt of pain, still did the Ahgendai refuse to yield or cry surcease; holding on with great resolve, to stand as one alone amidst the hurtful fray; being himself both fearless and relentless in cleaving to a far more noble disposition filled with hope.

4  Being himself most strongly determined in seizing the greater prize, which prize was to join with God in love forever, to serve some greater cause; to defend most well the children of glory which in the Heavens dwelled.

5  And so there struggled for the mastery of the soul, both the Light and the Darkness; being each resolved and most determined; for the Light would not yield his love for God, while the Darkness strove with fearsome might to destroy it altogether.

6  Thus did the centuries pass into millennia, and the millennia passed into the aeons, like the ticking of the clock; each eternity giving way to another, to swallow whole in deepest shadows the sands of endless time.

7  Yet while the Azraella in pain endured, still within the Father’s soul did Mahaleenah most safely dwell, being herself unseen and unfelt by the Eidos and the Antipode, being herself most safely guarded within the soul of Azraella.

8  And seeing for herself the suffering of the Father, and perceiving the pain which he endured, (though he himself spoke not a word) she was moved by deep affections to speak her deep concerns.

9  Now on a day which was not a day, when the Eidos and the Antipode were gone away to plan what next to do, Mahaleenah spoke tenderly unto her Father saying:

10  “O my good and gentle Father: How can you endure these many torments? What power would cause that you not yield or break beneath the weight of constant pain or dreadful injury?

11  For when I see the hurts inflicted against you, and feel in your soul the anguish of many tremblings, even I am made to bear your wounds inside me; causing that I should know the pain which you endure.

12  How then do you endure? What hidden knowledge would fill you deep with manly grace, to build in you a place of refuge and of hope, to become yourself a place of calm acceptance and noble strength?

13  What vision well sustains you,
to lead you quietly on,
while all around the darkness rules,
to swallow up the dawn?

 

14  Tell me Father and hold not back
that I may understand,
where comes this strength which in you hides,
which works as you command?

 

15  For I would be as strong as you,
as filled with approbation,
to meet with grace the darkest night,
and prove a consolation.

 

16  So tell me Father, instruct me well
and as my teacher be,
that I may stand as one made safe
amidst the darkest sea.

 

17  How save yourself from deep despair;
how save yourself from wrath;
what guards the heart from dark decay;
what brightens well your path?

 

18  For you I see most well preserved,
most sheltered from the hate,
shielded well from bitter thoughts,
to decide alone your fate.

 

19  Not seduced by bitter rage,
nor to the darkness yield,
but holding on to love alone,
where God might be your shield.

 

20  So tell me Father and hold not back
but give me good instruction,
for I would prove as strong as you
amidst this dark destruction.”

 

21  These are the words which Mahaleenah spoke most tenderly unto her Father, Azraella; and taking deep thought the Ahgendai spoke with careful words, drawing from the heart of deepest wisdom, saying:

22  “Hear me daughter and I will reveal to you the wisdom which keeps from breaking this Father that you love. For it matters not what the Eidos and the Antipode should do against me; it matters not the pain endured, or the blackness of utter chaos; for this truth alone is worthy and preferable above every other in moments of trial and tribulation.

23  For it is yourself which you must live with, long after the trial is gone; it is the soul which lasts forever, while pain is just a passing thing.

24  And if it should be that you would betray your own soul to ease for yourself a momentary pain, or to gain for yourself some small advantage, then do you become as someone lost and a stranger to your soul.

25  For this cause do I remain unbroken before the fearsome wrath of darkness and chaos; choosing for myself that sure knowledge regarding the purpose and goal to which I was born; finding in the designs of God, the only true source of comfort, solace and strength.

26  Which very things cause that I should endure with grace the heated blast of the Eidos and the Antipode, finding within my soul the very presence of God the Father and the Mother; causing that I should not yield for safety’s sake.

27  For in surrendering to lesser passions do you forget the thing you are, placing within your heart and before your eyes a person who is both broken and lost, and made compelled to surrender that far more nobler self which had its birth in God.

28  Having sought for yourself a momentary surcease from pain and torment, which things afflict both body and mind in the moment of your trial.

29  But when you have surrendered yourself for safety’s sake, to end the momentary torment, then does the soul within become as something tormented and confused, for you have surrendered that which is eternal for the sake of a temporary comfort.

30  Thus would I have you know, my dearest child, that such strength as would inspire me to endure the heated blast of those who torment, to see beyond the pain to the things of greatest worth, even this strength is come from God alone.

31  Thus in cleaving unto God is there found the strength of great resolve, chasing away through godly grace the rule of lesser passions and the need for dark revenge; to fill you up instead with a far more noble purpose.

32  For it is the soul which you must live with, long after the pain is gone. And if you should betray your soul to ease for yourself a momentary torment, then do you become as someone lost and a stranger to your soul; having forgotten the purpose for which you live and the goal towards which you strive.

33  And so my child, find strength in God,
let faith most constant grow;
be filled with hope, let go your fear
and you shall always know;

34  That pain is fleeting and soon shall pass,
the darkness fades away,
that light and joy will come again
to make a brighter day.

35  So yield not to some lesser thing,
let go of hurtful passions;
hang on tight with hopeful heart
and strength you’ll surely fashion.

 

36  Be not lost in dark despair,
yield not to bitter doubts,
but hold on to such faith you have
and to the Heavens shout:

 

37  That love is greater and faith is true,
that hope will not succumb,
and though the darkness fiercely rage
in you God’s strength has sprung.

 

38  Let go your need for dark revenge,
let go within of hate,
but show instead the love of God,
and a brighter path you’ll make.

 

39  For hatred lives on hatred,
and darkness seeks despair,
while fear creates a world of doubt
which fouls the very air.

 

40  Thus when faced with things made dark,
when weighed by hurtful sorrow,  
find the light which comes from God
and shape a new tomorrow.

 

41  For there is a strength
which makes you strong,
a strength both good and wise,
which brightens well the darkest hour,
which lightens up the skies.

 

42  So surrender not your nobler self
which dwelt with God above,
but seek instead to imitate
the godly grace of love.

 

43  Seek instead to recompense
the evil with some good,
for the best revenge is not to yield
the things of greatest worth,
but remember well the thing you are
which had a nobler birth.

 

44  By such a means shall you undo
the hurt which inward dwells,
soothing away the things that wound
through a love which never fails.”

 

45  Such were the words which the Azraella spoke, and in the hearing did Mahaleenah see for herself the depths of all her Father’s heart, and with deep affection did Mahaleenah cleave more closely unto her Father whereby she might comfort him in the moment of his trial.

46  But still did there fall upon the Azraella from time to time the fury of the Eidos and the Antipode; seeking through most violent fury to compel the Ahgendai to their cause; which cause was to destroy forever the Gods of Heaven.

47  Yet during the moments of conflict and pain, the Azraella watched most carefully the associations of his tormentors; how that the Antipode was made subservient to the Eidos, and how the Eidos spoke most fearsomely to the Antipode which came from God.

48  For the Azraella perceived most well how the Antipode did chafe and fume at his treatment from the Eidos, often times seething with rage and storming off to be alone; for to be subservient to the Eidos proved a hard and bitter thing.

49  Thus did the Azraella take most thoughtful care regarding such things as he most carefully observed between his tormentors, and when he was decided, he set in motion the beginnings of a plan, which when brought to bear would set free the very Ahgendai, whereby they might return home again.

50  Now it came about that on a certain occasion, when the Antipode came alone to speak with the Azraella, to see perhaps if he would consent to aid in fighting against God, the Ahgendai spoke to the Antipode, saying:

51  “Greetings brother, for what cause do you come alone to see me, seeing that in strength and power we are most equally matched in all things pertaining to our separate but opposite natures, and can by no means subdue one another.

52  For it is certain that alone you cannot compel me to act against my nature, neither can I be seduced into yielding, nor can I be obliged by some pretended favor, to set aside my resolve in holding on to God. Why then do you come alone to see me?”

53  Hearing these things, the Antipode took offense, and in anger he spoke, saying: “Why will you persist in calling me ‘brother’? For we are opposites, both you and me, and in our nature is there nothing held in common; for there is no place where light and darkness can dwell together.”

54  But the Azraella answered him, saying: “What then should I call you? For you have no name which I might use. Neither has the Eidos thought to give you so great a thing. For in the having of a name do you begin to define yourself and to know yourself most fully.

55  And in these things do you shape and mold the force and power of your truer nature, causing that the name by which you are known should carry in its very sounding, the force and power of who you are; casting into the minds of those who hear, the image of your likeness and the fierceness of your power.

56  By what name would you be known, for it is certain that the Eidos fears to give you a name; being hopeful to keep you in his shadow, to be to him a servant only; possessing for yourself no identity other than what the Eidos should permit.

57  For this I tell you truly: that without a name, there is no identity, there is no power or glory which is yours alone; for all that is left you is the stale monotony of servitude to that which is less than you.

58  Consider this and ponder most deeply well: For I am Ahgendai and you are Antipode, being both ourselves come from God; yet do I, as Ahgendai, possess a name which conveys to all the meaning and purpose of all my life, which name is Azraella; while you who also comes from God are left without a name by which you may be known and feared.

59  How long then shall you continue thus in doing service of the Eidos? For the Eidos is not come from God as you are made to come. Why then should you serve him? For it is unseemly that you should serve that which is less than you.

60  For it is not to your benefit that the Eidos should war against the Heavens to vanquish well the Gods, to claim for himself such glory and power as you alone should claim. For it is meant that the Eidos should serve you.

61  Why then will you hesitate in deciding well your fate? Therefore, give to yourself a name by which I may call you; and by your own hand shape the meaning of such a name as you would give to yourself.

62  For these many eternities have you learned all things which the Eidos was empowered to teach; but now is the time when the student should exceed the teacher. Why then will you hesitate?”

63  These then were the words which the Azraella spoke most cunningly to the Antipode, creating within the Nemesis a far greater desire to prove himself the only true creator of all his fate; shaping within his darkened soul a destiny which would compel him to stand as one most sovereign and in the darkness rule.

64  And hearing the words of the Azraella, the Antipode grew darker and filled with deepest thought; and slowly and with care the Antipode spoke, saying: “I will consider all which you have said, brother.” And turning away, the Antipode faded into the depths of deep forever;

65  Passing alone and unseen, and going to the furtherest depths where the Eidos would not find him, the Antipode brooded midst troubled ponderings; struggling to forge for himself a fearsome name which would carry in its very sounding the nature and disposition of all his fierceness.

66  And not this only, for the Antipode would shape and form the word which would define forever the genus of his kind, establishing the classification of all species that should arise from out of the bowels of himself.

67  Thus did there pass a great deal of time, and despite all his probings and efforts, the Eidos could by no means find the Antipode, and there was no power which would aid him in the doing, for the Antipode had shut himself up in the furthermost regions of the great Abyss.

68  Yet in the absence of the Antipode did the Eidos grow all the more agitated, thinking to himself that the Antipode had escaped the great Abyss, to become in himself a power and a force which would threaten the rule of the very Eidos.

69  Causing that in his perplexity, the Eidos should cast a great suspicion against the very Ahgendai, inflicting upon him a cruel and hurtful pain; pressing against him without surcease to reveal the place where the Antipode had gone.

70  But the Ahgendai spoke not a word, neither would he yield before the threats of the Eidos, but kept himself as still as stone, and as calm as the winds of Heaven; strengthening beneath the blows the depths of his resolve, standing before the rage of Eidos as one indomitable and unyielding.

71  Now the Eidos grew weary of the Ahgendai, for the Azraella would not submit, but grew himself all the stronger beneath the dark and fearsome blows; causing that the Eidos should withdraw for a season, to continue to search for himself the whereabouts of the Antipode.

72  And in his absence did there gather about the Ahgendai, a great and rushing wind which howled and moaned from out of the very depths, causing that all matter unformed should break and shatter before its fury; and there was great and terrible lightning filled with fire and violent rage.

73  And the very air did seethe and boil with fearsome dread, and in a sudden and unexpected moment, there rushed upon the Azraella, a great and hideous evil filled with vile and putrid odors.

74  And from out of the depths of dark forever, from the womb of endless night, a voice spoke with dreadful soundings, saying: “I am Yaldabaoth, being myself uncreated and unknown. For by my own power did I draw myself from out of the womb of endless night.

75  Being myself the Chief Demiurgos of the matter unformed; Father of Chaos am I, even he whose name is unspeakable and whose countenance is unknowable; for Darkness and Depth have I created, the shatterer and destroyer of worlds shall I become.

76  Come now and let us, in this moment, set aside our opposite natures, for I would hear from you some word of reason. What meant you in the saying that the Eidos was empowered to teach me all which it did know?

77  Speak Azraella and I will hear you. What is this thing which did empower the very Eidos?”

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